just woke up after being knocked out on the sofa for about an hour. (and i wonder if, prior to the gaming era, people would understand 'knocked out' the way we do. then again, maybe they would.) it's been some time since i would just collapse on the sofa and decompose for a few hours in front of the tv, not worrying about homework and fyp and midterms.

midterms. i just had my one and only paper, today, for media law. study until become law neng (lor neng. steamed egg.) i could feel my brain powers leaving me as i neared the end of the paper, and i assure you, from then till now my brain has been doing only content-level interpreting and sorting. like, instead of a uni undergrad sorting through input and output of information in my brain, a toddler is now doing it. okay fine, primary school kid. i feel like i'm on holidays already. but the reality is, i've got a class at 10am tomorrow. groan.

(i took about 15 seconds to spell groan properly.)

and as you can see, i'm beginning to ramble. not apologising for it though, haha.

if you are reading through my blog posts and wondering where's Parent's Conversation Topics 2, i'd tell you that i had begun another list, but have stopped at the first point, because the truth is, they don't talk very much anymore. i don't think that's a good thing, and hope that when i am married for as long as them i will still be blabbering nonsense and having a good time talking and laughing with my husband.

if i am to say how i have been, since the last time i spoke honestly about it, i'd tell you that my life has been full of ups and downs, rollercoasters of emotion that can happen within a day. and when i am discouraged, i think about what i have been telling the people i know and love, that as christians we are not guaranteed a life smooth-sailing, and we, like all people around us, will have to go through valleys as well. sometimes our roads may be more rocky than others, but we have something, or rather someone, to hold us up, and that is God.

God is, perhaps, a rather abstract concept, you may say. you can't see Him, can't smell Him, can't touch His hand to make sure He is real. and so there is faith. where we believe that we can trust Him, the creator of the universe and author of our lives, to walk with us and tell us that ''it's alright, I'm here, there's nothing to fear.''

and i'd tell you that like you, i have my share of doubts every now and then. i ask the same questions and wonder about life after death. and i am afraid sometimes. i don't think being a christian makes me perfect. but i will tell you that there is something in the perfection of God that gives me strength to overcome the rough patches in life. like, He knows what lies ahead of my path and what i have to endure, and gives me enough strength to go through the hoops of fire. and i find much assurance in talking to God, who is ever-listening to what i have to say. it could be the deepest troubles in my heart that no other mortal person knows, or the most silliest thing like how i think i am having a bad hair day. and many times God has comforted me through the Bible, guiding me to verses that comfort me, whenever i feel anxious. friends have also been there when i needed people to talk to. and when i pray, i pray in faith that my God who loves and understands me is powerful, and will be able to answer me, according to His will. and He does.

i'm not trying to sell God; He is not for sale. (and i'm not trying to be the guy at the mrt station holding a ManuLife clipboard and telling me that he's not trying to sell me insurance.) it's just that these recent months have convinced me very much that God is good, that He is always there when i needed Him. and i don't think i can avoid talking about it if you ask me how i have been, and what keeps me looking up in trying times.

and i'd tell you that times are still trying, and i don't think i'll have my butterflies and fairydust time soon (where you just have to call out in song and small animals will scurry in and do the housework for you) (and homework). but i have a God who has great plans for me, and who gives me reason to smile when i feel like putting reclaimed sand on my head (sgp very clean and green, hard to find ashes). times are uncertain and often i feel like running away, but if you ask me, i'd say that friend, i am holding on. because God gives me the strength to carry on. :)

and i'd say, open your eyes today, and give God a chance, will you? He can be yours too.